The Weaker Partner

Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (1 Peter 3:7 CSB).

While in college, I met a female amateur heavy weight lifter. Of all the things I could have thought about during our short conversation, the one thing I remember being most struck by was the realization that this woman was physically stronger than most men.

As random as it is, I found myself returning to this fact repeatedly in the days and weeks that followed, because I’d grown up believing in female weakness as a key reason for male leadership in church and marriage. 

In one of the verses often used to teach hierarchy within marriage, the apostle Peter tells husbands to be understanding or considerate toward their wives “as with a weaker partner” (1 Pet. 3:7 CSB). I’d always heard this taught as proof that women are not as strong as men—not just physically but also emotionally.

During my teen and college years, I resented this verse because it felt insulting, demeaning, condescending. But looking around, I also recognized I wasn’t winning any arm wrestling contests with guys. Women in my world were criticized for being overly emotional, for crying too much, for being emotionally driven. Strength meant control, the ability to shove it all down, the ability to think instead of feel. I worked really hard to fit this image of strength, to disown my emotions, and I partially succeeded to my own detriment.

I felt trapped in my femaleness, because I’d been taught to see it as a limiter. Female meant weak.

Even though I hated that idea, I didn’t fully question it until I met the female weight lifter. Because her femaleness hadn’t stopped her from being strong, and her strength didn’t keep her from being feminine. She had chosen and cultivated female strength.

And then I married a man who was much more emotionally present than I was. He cried when he was sad, and he cried when he was happy. He showed me that real strength involves facing your emotions, not silencing them. I learned that the greatest strength any of us can show is the moment of choosing to face pain rather than run from it. And when I birthed four babies without any pain killers, I realized deep within my soul that female means strong. 

I think Peter knew that, too. I think his instructions to husbands and wives in 1 Peter 3 had little to do with innate ability and much to do with the social limitations of his day. Certainly, most men are physically stronger than most women, and that does create vulnerability for women. That could have been part of the imbalance Peter was highlighting. But I think the greater imbalance had to do with the lack of economic, legal, and political power experienced by women in that culture.

As Marg Mowczko observes, “Peter wanted husbands to be considerate of the more vulnerable situation of their wives so that they would take care not to exploit them. People in positions of privilege are often not fully aware of the disadvantages of those in weaker positions.” (1) 

Peter was not creating a marriage hierarchy, but instead telling husbands how to act within an already very hierarchal and patriarchal culture. And he reminded them they are “coheirs of the grace of life” with their wives (1 Pet. 3:7). He placed them firmly on equal footing, while also telling the men they are responsible to live counter-culturally—to honor and elevate their wives within a culture that actively oppressed and dishonored them.

Peter felt this was so important that he added a spiritual consequence to motivate husbands into meaningful cultural change. He told them their prayers would be hindered if they didn’t honor their wives as coheirs in Christ but instead exercised their power over them. This is a weighty promise, but it shows us the value God places on the way we treat others.

In the kingdom, we all stand as equals before God—equally loved, equally empowered. In the world, however, many of us find ourselves in places of weakness. For a variety of reasons, we live from places of greater vulnerability and less power. That has been true throughout history for women as well as for many other groups of people. And when that happens, God says the way we respond to those who have less power than us directly impacts our prayer lives.

This is such an important key to a healthy marriage. God calls us to mutually honor one another. Part of that happens as we acknowledge the places of weakness and disadvantage our partners experience rather than clinging to our own places of strength and power.

As we purposely step into vulnerability, we become like Christ, who set aside his power to live and die as a human for the sake of love. In kingdom marriage, love looks like using our power to elevate others.

Note

1. Marg Mowczko, “What does ‘weaker vessel’ mean in 1 Peter 3:7?” https://margmowczko.com/weaker-vessel-gender-justice-1-peter-3_7/.

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